DNC Worldwide

What better way to break in a weekend than a spontaneous trip to College Station?!?!? My bro and Chad were both already up there for varying reasons so Chris and I hopped in the car and said, what the hell, let’s get in on the action too! It was an insane little adventure! The DNC is pushing the limits, thats for sure! We went to a town where we didn’t know ANYONE and took over the whole town. There were moments of greatness boys! Kris’ game even got recognized by 2 fans who were part of the underground! And this is just the beginning! Who knew the purple pimp hat could hold so much power… Its just too bad that Kris has to miss his friends’ wedding b/c he got took for a ride!

She started the night off at Logan’s by offering us blowjobs… B+ at best.

then this chick grinded her way into Kris’ heart with the prom pose!

this was may have been fun…

then Fetch got into the action!

Lewinsky Shot!

Where the f*ck did Nate Loupold come from?!?!

Yup. We got her too. Jessica Beal’s little sister?

the girls couldn’t keep their hands off the purple pimper.

RJ jumps in, ring and all!

Chad Kight in the house!

The sisters @ V Lounge!

Attack of the killer freshman k-close!

Dawan Cooper and his girl!

V Bar before the end of the night!

A Parting Shot!

Oh crap! 5am. Goodnight!

The events surrounding my imminent demise have been greatly exaggerated. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am alive after a weekend of desolate solitude at the new house, brought on by a Friday night that will live in infamy. I’d have to first of all thank Lauren and Noemi for coming down from New Jersey, hereby causing a kick-start in my system that caused us to go to best buy in the middle of a random day to purchase a $3,500 Sony television to begin the downward spiral. (it’ll all be worth it when we get hd/dvr/cable tommorow)  Next, I’ll have to thank Vu for taking care of bottle service at Buddha lounge and being such a gracious host, hereby causing me to eventually pee on a cab with my face pressed against the windshield, smiling at the driver in utter defiance. …And Hyper, no matter how crazy you are, we just can’t quit you, you bastard. Thanks for all the licks to the faces of many unsuspecting victims and being an influence as only you could be. Ash, your sex, drugs, and rock and roll thing is going to kill me one day so I guess that deserves special mention. And lastly, the nurse of the year award goes to all the girls who got me hot water, cough drops, alka-seltzer, oatmeal, chicken soup, etc. etc. the next day. You know who you are. And Reinig was a regular Gaylord Focker too! My biggest regret is missing out on the rest of the vacation. lol. and poor noemi followed my path to the infirmary on sunday, which was unfortunate. but at they got to go shooting and pick up randoms at whiskey creek. Good times as always by the clan of the drunken ninja. Many thanks to all involved, especially my sponsors and the keep bullet alive foundation.

Now on to the pictures!

Everyone make a funny face!

Its amazing to notice the evolution from sober to drunk.

the happy fam.

jersey ripples on texas nipples!

new jersey since 1980.

lauren’s texas birthday lapdance!

the most spoiled girl in the world!

f*cking paparazzi. get that camera away or i’ll kill you!

By the time we got to the cab, all hell had broken loose for me.

Grappling with my drunkeness.

We all lost.

chris took the girls shooting.

Meanwhile, at the batcave…

only in texas do you see a 6 yr. old shooting a gun.

whiskey creek or fix?

hyper with the birthday girl and the laura ash.

vu and hyper

wtF?!?! where the hell did bryce and kiki come from?!?!

hyper, E, kristie, and manwhore

old school lovers reunited!

Requisite drunken ninja pose.

Okay, so in light of this magnanimous trip we are about to take to New York for Saint Patrick’s Day Weekend next month, I’m going to give you would-be travelers a recap of our last trip the city a few years back so you’ll have an idea of what you’re getting yourself into…

But before we talk about NYC, I have to tell you about Florida…

The whole thing started when Mark Foster, a good friend of mine I’ve known since high school, and I went out to happy hour here in Houston on a hot summer day to drink back a few drinks and catch up since he was in from Austin. Well a few drinks must have turned into twenty-two drinks  because one second, we were talking about how broke and bored we were at Red Lobster, and the next second, we wake up and its 9am at some motel in Jasper, TX. The hilarious thing was that we meant to take a road trip to San Diego to go visit our buddy Josh. The proof was on the laptop map quest, which in our drunken haste, obviously did not get used at all while we were on the road! Well, after  ten more hours of driving (reminiscent of Hunter Thompson in Fear & Loathing) , we end up in Panama City, FL and get a room.  We spent the next week meeting the weirdest people in the world… (partying a trailer park with pet fish in the sink), getting cozy with a random girl on a catamaran at 3 in the morning while her boyfriend lay passed out in the sand, jumping off trampolines in the middle of the ocean, and getting kicked out of the “biggest club in N. America”, Club La Vela. We basically had the time of our lives. A week goes by and we tuck tail between our legs back home to Houston, getting stuck on that long bridge on I-10 in Louisiana for 2 hours along the way and having some authentic Cajun food at Prejean’s in Lafayette to blow the last of our cash on a $140 meal.

Fast forward two years later… I had just randomly bought two airline tickets to go back home New Jersey with my ex-girlfriend at the time, Tiffany, and I was just calling Mark to let him know. Well, I completely forgot about my Florida debt and ended up having to buy him a ticket as well, not knowing that our departure date was to be an early bird on the morning of his 21^st birthday.

The Most Drunken Travel Day Ever

The night before the trip arrives. Mark’s birthday is at midnight and we’re at Sam’s Boat to celebrate the occasion. Any sane person would have had a few and gone home to rest before the flight early the next morning. We are not sane people. We ended up drinking until they closes the bar down and continued drinking in our neighborhood all throughout the night until we found ourselves in the car, raging in the car on the way to the airport. Did you know they serve drinks on the plane on early bird flights? We drank there as well on the way to our layover in Atlanta, where we enjoyed a bloody mary. But that’s not all. We finally arrive at Newark and while walking out of the tarmac and into the terminal, we decide to have some beer. We stayed so long that our luggage was not on the carousel but in an office with red tape around it. Whoa! A 30-minute brake on the train ride to New Brunswick did little to quench our insatiable thirst for alcohol. It took 3 or 4 refusal-to-serve by normal waiters who obviously thought we were too drunk for noon on a Tuesday but we managed to get served at the Buddha Bar and drink away yet another $100 within the first hour in Jersey.

So now we’re at Lauren’s in New Brunswick at about 4pm. She and I are tired and take a nap. Mark, who Lauren absolutely hated at first impression and two days later would hook up with him in New York (they’re still together), felt like a bit of a 3^rd wheel and in his obliterated state ended up leaving the house to find debauchery. His recollection told him that he found a convenience store, bought a bottle of vodka and a case of beer, and wanted to go back to Lauren’s. Well the idiot, minus a cell phone or a memory of where the house is, wanders around trying to find us. All the houses in New Brunswick look the same and he ends up walking into the wrong house, completely scaring the old people inside. He wanders around some more and the beer falls through the bottom of the case and he ends up fighting with a bum who tries to steal his vodka from him. Completely bewildered and with no other recourse, he takes a $100 cab ride to NYC (when he could have rode NJ Transit and paid $5 for the train). The next thing I know it and his brother is calling me in the morning with a story that Mark woke up in a 5-star hotel next to 5 strippers and he doesn’t have my number and that I need to go pick him up. Imagine his surprise when I told him there was actually a $5 train…

Now that was just the first day… And the rest of the trip was not much easier. You think Howard and Kumar had it rough? Now we didn’t ride on the back of a cheetah or anything but I did almost hit five deer while on our smoky bone-cruise through North Jersey. And I did completely wreck a rental car (rented from Rent-A-Wreck) on Easton Ave in New Brunswick 20 minutes after I picked up Tiffany from the airport. And yes, I did wake up naked at the hotel in Times Square next to Tiffany while Mark woke up in the bathtub in 2 inches of water because he accidentally turned it on while drunk, eating BBQ, and sleeping. Not only that, but I hooked Mark and Lauren up after they hated each other for the first two days. She actually cried at one point… But now its 3 years later and they are still together and it was all thanks to one too many Irish CarBombs to drink at Smith’s. And yes, them + me and Tiffany, did spend $10 worth of quarters in a Times Square peepshow and eventually got kicked out because apparently, you’re not allowed to be kissing/touching/having sex in those stalls. Not to mention the one where Mark and I got made fun of at the comedy club because we’re from Texas, only to go off on a drunken comedy show of our own before leaving in the middle of the show. But it wasn’t all insane drunken fun. We had some extremely nice dinners in Chinatown and Little Italy, which are right next to each other on Canal Street. I got to see my 3^rd grade school in Deal and some sights in Asbury Park, like Springsteen’e first gig at the Stone Pony. We stayed at the Westin in Times Squarre, which was nice, and I saw some good friends in between trips to Central Park (where some gypsy put us in her show), the Museum of Natural History, the MET, Guggenheim, and shopping in the financial district and South Street Seaport. It was an awesome time. And I’m ready to do it all over again with my closest friends.

May 16th – 20th – Who’s coming with me?

Seaview Towers – Lived there in Long Branch, NJ

Elberon in Deal, NJ – 3rd Grade Mikey

Mark & I at the Jersey Shore

Springsteen’s First Gig

The view of our hotel,  Westin, from Smith’s Irish Pub

Room with a view and a T-3000

The Gypsy Show in Central Park

Times Square

Central Park

South Street Seaport

The baddest limo on the planet

Looking at a dress – Vera Wang’s on Park Ave.

One of these days, I’m going to need to stop doing random crazy shit… A few buddies and I had a serious case of wallet vomit this weekend when we spontaneously decided to get a deluxe room at the Austin downtown Hilton for the weekend. Me and Spencer originally decided (at 7am friday morning) to go to my brother’s place in San Marcos but plans changed when Mark & Jino decided to come. Apparently, we all needed to get away and have a spontaneous vacation.

a room with a view on the 23rd floor

We got into austin at about 10pm on Friday night. I tell you what, from now on, every time I stay in Austin, I am definately staying at the same Hilton. It’s a stones throw from the bars on 6th and 4th. Not only that but there are so many hotties in the lobby that you probably wouldn’t even need to leave to have a good time. The hotel bar has awesome martinis and I won’t even talk about what happens at the pool from 4-7 every day. The massage therapist from Detroit tells me its always an awesome time.

mark, the general, and I at friend’s

Friday night was spent traversing from bar to bar to bar. An explosion and four flaming Dr. Pepper’s at Touche, Tuaca shots on the roof of Maggie May’s, Irish Carbombs at Logan’s, and ultimately, an awesome $4 bar tab or shots and beers with Colleen at Friend’s. (thanks ma’am.) I almost get thrown under a very large bus by Mr. Sandlin but I run away before it is too late. The whole night was funny crazy. Retarded dolphins and all. They really believed that I work at Sea  World. Simply put, we got hammered, met some interesting people, and ate some good pizza from Ropollo’s. I woke up wrapped in a comforter and 3 pillows. Normal enough… but how the f*ck does one wake up in a bathtub?!?

Colleen, Austin’s best bartender, at friend’s

Waking up took until about after noon on Saturday morning. All our phones were completely dead and Jino has gone AWOL. We somehow managed to order a pizza delivery past 3am the previous night so that tides us over and pacifies us. That explains the utter lack of motivation to move. We discussed going shopping (tax-free weekend), running around Austin, visiting friends in San Marcos, etc. Eventually, we go to Mongolian BBQ and feed ourselves again before driving to Kris’ place in San Marcos to play Super Mario Bros on the original nintendo with Harris and Adrian. We hung out there until my brother gets home and we all run next door to watch the feeding.

Mike’s Advice #895 – life is so fleeting, live every second like it’s your last!

This is actually an interesting story. Sam and JRod next door have this python named Trip. That crazy snake is always around girls’ necks whenever there is a party. Well a month ago, the cage is left open and the snake slithers away, never to be seen again. They think it’s lost in the woods forever but then yesterday, Sam finds it under the dryer. Well the damn thing is hungry and hasn’t eaten or drank in a month so they go to the store and buy the biggest rat they can find… Personally, I felt like Steve Erwin watching Trip devouring Splinter!

Trip feeding on a very large rodent

Now it’s back to Austin we go. We’re surprised to find Jino still in Austin because he has to work in Houston at 6am. The crazy bastard decided to pull an all-nighter and drive straight to work after he took a 2 hour nap. Anyways, back in town and we go back to our hotel to get ready before heading out for some noodles on 4th on the way to Foundation to meet Saman and friends for her birthday celebration. It’s the first time I’ve met all of Shab’s friends (she talks about them ALL the time) and I feel like I’ve known these people forever. Everyone’s reputations precede them and are all very nice! Awesome time. And Foundation… wow. The ratio of pretty women to ugly women is like 95 to 1. Lots of pretty people. You would think drinks would be expensive but they are reasonable with no cover. We run into Lindsey Pate and her man for a little bit. I didn’t even know they were in Austin but Jino saw them outside…

a partial view of the sea of hotties at Foundation

After a number of drinks and losing my debit card, me and Spencer hop on a bicycle chariot and make the trek to 6th street, racing hotties in other wheeled-vehicles along the way. The whole reason for getting down to sixth was to visit Colleen at Friend’s. We have a laid-back good time for a little while until the bar closes and we head back to the room. Again, I have no idea why I keep waking up in the pitch dark inside the bathtub. I think it’s a sign.

Jino & Spencer in the Hilton lobby

Mark really killed that mini-bar so I make the call and we leave pre-check out, eat at Cartwright’s in Bastrop, and head home. Right now, we just got back to Sugarland, are watching movies, and checking voicemail from our back-to-life phones. Apparently, we’re going skydiving next weekend! Damnit. I’m never going to learn my lesson!

A Few Random Pictures from the Trip

All this gin and no tonic! Hold your breath and the shots don’t hurt as much!

Random girls, random piggy back rides: By Mr. Sandlin

Ashley and friend at Foundation

Retarded Spencer helping to…. “Keep Austin Weird!”

the steady walk to the hotel from 6th Street