Posted tagged ‘18 weeks’

Becoming a Dad – Coming Home

June 26, 2009

baby

Currently Week 18.

So it’s Friday night a little past 10pm in Houston and I’m already home. Earlier this evening after I had cooked her dinner, mother-to-be was actually urging me to go out with the guys. Although she certainly demands a good deal of attention, I’m also told that I need time with the boys and that she really only cares about me being home early on weekdays. Now I definitely appreciate that. I agree that a little balance is healthy for both me and her. So tonight I went to Loggia in Sugar Land with my brother and a few of the boys. It’s always nice catching up with them and being a guy doing what guys do. (drink beer, talk sports, etc.) On top of that, my friends can be real goofs so its usually hilarious when we sit around no matter where we are, much less in a bar environment with lots of ammo for discussion. Good times indeed.

“Stay out as long as you want,” she says. I had every intention of having a drunken good time tonight like the old days…. or five months ago, depending on how you look at it. But after a few hours, what I came to realize though was that I wanted to be home. I couldn’t quite explain it to myself but I felt the urge to just break off and take it to the house. It’s like that more and more every passing day. I’m feeling so madly in love with everything that is coming in my life to be. And I’m excited to make it all happen starting now. I’ve even let go of a lot of what I would call “crutches” lately.

The baby books say that sometimes it takes awhile to fully realize what having a baby truly means and how it will impact your life. In my case, I’ve embraces this thing since day one but around a month ago it became very real to me, mentally. I think it was that way for both of us. Early on, your mind gets so caught up in the impending responsibility, sacrifice, and life change that you don’t really get a chance to truly reflect and just, well, breathe, until it fully sinks in. I guess for me that time is now.

So what are my thoughts during this moment of reflection?

Well, for one, I feel corny as hell writing this. LOL. I can almost hear the Doogie Howser music playing in my head. I’m fighting the urge to hit delete for fear that my man card will get taken away and I know I’ll get made fun of by my boys who read this blog so lets just go ahead and throw that out there.

On the other hand, everything I’m saying and feeling is real. I’m being absolutely true to myself and I think its important for my kid to know how I felt at this moment during some intermittent moment in the future. Also, I want to relay these thoughts completely if I’m truly going to be transparent about my experience as a man during this pregnancy. Those of you who haven’t gone through this will truly not know the joys of it until you’re there yourself. Then you’ll know.

Lastly, I just want to share… Megan is actually on the other couch next to me quietly watching this retarded chick flick on TV. She’s doing her own thing and I’m doing mine writing. She doesn’t even know what I’m thinking about/working on but I think she looks so adorable just sitting there. I keep stealing glances. Ha! I guess I don’t mind being home at all. Nowhere else I’d rather be. 🙂

Mike

P.S. – I felt the baby moving in her belly for the first time ever this week!

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