Posted tagged ‘jersey shore’

The five different types of guido

March 31, 2009

Below you’ll find different versions of the guido phenomenon that has overtaken the world, or thinks so anyway. Just for kicks.
 

1. The traditional “Long Island Style” – notice the puckered lips, shaved eyebrows, and glasses. (Even at night) If he had a collared shirt om, it would be yearning to be popped. This is the originator of guido culture, and coincidentally the guido with the strongest accent.

guido

2. The “Suburbia Edition” – The puckered lips are there along with speckled tan, headband,  necklace, and carefully manicured chinstrap. Add a sweet car from mom (not pictured) and some slang to complete this look.

guido2

3. The “Midtown Houston Edition” – This aging edition of guido comes with dyed balding hair and gold-digging girlfriend. Usually a regular at your 30k millionaire hangouts, this guido does have a little bit of money and status …. but is likely over 38 years old. They run in packs with other middle-aged midtown guidos who come with their own T.W.I.T.S. (Teenage Women in their Thirties) The true source of their self-esteem and validation comes in groups.

guido3

4. The “Asian Edition” – See the emo hair? Unless you’re Gaysian, that’s not normal. Probably rebelling against strictly traditional parents and yearning for acceptance. ”Nuff said.

guio4
 

5. The “Jersey Shore Edition” -The glasses and cross are a telltale sign of the Jersey shore guido. …. but not as much as the beat up looking groupie bitches. You can usually find these groupies tagging along on trips to D’Jais in Belmar.

guido5

BONUS 1: Swedish guidos aka “Sweedos” are the latest in the guido craze. They have lifetime memberships to “Darque Tan.”

sweedos

BONUS 2: Guido Parent Beach Sighting.

guidodad

BONUS 3: “Everyone should see how JACKED and TAN I am!” – The Guido Attitude (Caution: Explicit Language)