The five different types of guido

Below you’ll find different versions of the guido phenomenon that has overtaken the world, or thinks so anyway. Just for kicks.

1. The traditional “Long Island Style” – notice the puckered lips, shaved eyebrows, and glasses. (Even at night) If he had a collared shirt om, it would be yearning to be popped. This is the originator of guido culture, and coincidentally the guido with the strongest accent.


2. The “Suburbia Edition” – The puckered lips are there along with speckled tan, headband,  necklace, and carefully manicured chinstrap. Add a sweet car from mom (not pictured) and some slang to complete this look.


3. The “Midtown Houston Edition” – This aging edition of guido comes with dyed balding hair and gold-digging girlfriend. Usually a regular at your 30k millionaire hangouts, this guido does have a little bit of money and status …. but is likely over 38 years old. They run in packs with other middle-aged midtown guidos who come with their own T.W.I.T.S. (Teenage Women in their Thirties) The true source of their self-esteem and validation comes in groups.


4. The “Asian Edition” – See the emo hair? Unless you’re Gaysian, that’s not normal. Probably rebelling against strictly traditional parents and yearning for acceptance. ”Nuff said.


5. The “Jersey Shore Edition” -The glasses and cross are a telltale sign of the Jersey shore guido. …. but not as much as the beat up looking groupie bitches. You can usually find these groupies tagging along on trips to D’Jais in Belmar.


BONUS 1: Swedish guidos aka “Sweedos” are the latest in the guido craze. They have lifetime memberships to “Darque Tan.”


BONUS 2: Guido Parent Beach Sighting.


BONUS 3: “Everyone should see how JACKED and TAN I am!” – The Guido Attitude (Caution: Explicit Language)

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17 Comments on “The five different types of guido”

  1. LingLingTheRedDragon Says:

    Hahaha, Sweedos?! I can always get a chuckle out of the guidos. This will never get old!

  2. MonCul Says:

    Lol, they’re called Johnny’s over here in Belgium, and their female counterparts are called Marinas. Here they drive tuned cars/scooters and wear fur lined vests.

  3. […] The five different types of guido […]

  4. Jastitled Says:

    In australia we just call them wankers…

  5. Christina Says:

    This is hilarious. I’ve never heard of Sweedos, but now I know. XD

  6. Vince Says:

    loll I’m half swedish half italian… guess I’m doomed :S

  7. […] different types of guidos different types of guidos The five different types of guido DNC Worldwide […]

  8. […] schwanke ich bei solchen Filmen immer sehr auf der Grenze des Ekels, denn persönlich finde ich Guidos grässlich. Und Muskelmänner. Und sehr gerne sind männliche Pornoschauspieler Muskelbepackte […]

  9. FjortisMurderer. Says:

    The Swedish ones are called “Fjortisar” they usually are 14-20 years old and they are hanging around McDonalds and other shit, polluting the air and being total pussies.

  10. vonRatt Says:

    Those Swedish kids are not guidos! If anything, they are Euro-trash.

  11. Weston Says:

    You think guidos are taking over the world? You must be from Jersey. I am in Michigan and I have never had the fortune of interacting with a guido in person. Personally I am fascinated with the culture. It seems so primitive that I want to take a guido safari if I ever go through new jersey again…Just to observe them in their natural habitat would be awesome, studying their courtship displays of hairgel, spray tans and colone…would be just awesome. I want to find some comprehensive website about guidos, a documentary would be premo (Jersey shore only focuses on a couple guidos, not good enough). Seriously, I like to be open minded but guido culture seems retarded.

  12. Novi Says:

    Dear DNC Worldwide Team,

    I am excited to inform you that we have just released a new iPhone app based on the popular Guido phenomenon inspired by MTV’s Jersey Shore, which will be going into its second season. Guidofy is an advanced photo editing app where users have the power to transform themselves into sexy and fabulous Guidos. Our research has shown that just about anyone looks better once Guidofied.

    Users can Guidofy themselves, friends, family and even pets! We have also just updated the app with a new “Bronzer” tool that gives you an instant Guido glow (part of the GTL regimen). Plus, we are already working on our next release which includes a “Guidette” mode.

    We can provide some sample photos of what the app can do. Would you be interested in writing a review/post? We think this product fits well with DNC Worldwide and we would love to hear what you have to say! You can visit our website at for more information. The download link on the iTunes store is:

    Please let me know if you have any questions.

    Fist Pump,


  13. BipsCtuie Says:

    this is soooooooooooooo funny!!! my dad is called Guido and we are taking the piss out of him so much for this xD

  14. Vinnie Says:

    Well done! This is an awesome explanation of all the different types of Guidos. Still missing the “Persian Guido” though.

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