“I didn’t pick the best one. I picked the most trainable one.”
“I didn’t pick the best one. I picked the most trainable one.”
– A female friend when discussing her fiancee the other day
Geezus girl, we as men are not like your little doggies …But I do see where you are coming from. The reality is that men are in fact a lot like dogs. Our original “owners”, meaning our dear mamas, gave us our habits and attitudes towards women and relationships early on. That imprinting sticks with us through our adult lives.
What does this mean for you?
When we get to the point where you meet us, we are who we are. We’re not going to magically change into your ideal soul mate overnight, or ever. Think about it… We’re probably meeting you when we’re drunk, trying to get laid, or most likely both. We’re trying our hardest to impress you, doing everything in our power to win you over. The sad truth is that the illusion is going to turn into substance, or not, from there.
So back to this point of imprinting and character. Guys, take note of this too. It applies to both sexes.
It would be extremely difficult to find something to build on by the time someone got to you if there isn’t already something there to begin with. When looking for a potential LTR (long-term relationship), take note of how the person already is. A person is much like a high-rise building. You cannot build up and reach higher ground unless you have a solid foundation to begin with. So apply that to your potential relationships as well.
Ask yourself questions. Does this person have good manners? Do they treat others around them with respect? What’s his/her family life like? And do they eat out with a good attitude or do they boss the waiter around and then tip a dollar? (I used to be a waiter. Can you tell?) Questions like these will help you determine whether you have potential LTR material or just another here today-gone tomorrow (literally) fling.
The main point is that it is crucially important to have standards. For all the obvious reasons. But also consider that choosing a bad mate, much like bad jobs, bad dogs, and bad credit, can stick with you for a long time. And much like those other bad things, bad men/women are very hard to get rid of once they enter your life. So choose wisely and have standards from the get-go. You’ll save yourself time and headaches that way.
One last thing – For both sexes, there is NO perfect person for anyone. You’ve got to expect people to carry their life experiences, good and bad, with them. Some have baggage and that’s okay. Just avoid the ones with luggage and look for the gems who travel only with a carry-on. Know what I mean?
That’s my two cents. But who the heck am I besided another untrainable take-me-as-I-am male…
About the Author
He is a mid-twenties professional with a 4-year degee and good credit. He also cooks, cleans, and folds laundry. He may also be reasonably interesting and is even funny to some people (maybe). One thing he is not though is available. All you women are too crazy or have too much emotional baggage. See? My mom did teach me well. So there. 😛
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DNC Worldwide 
October 8, 2008 at 8:09 am
I’d like to think you should work as hard on a relationship as you do your BJJ….. Thoughts on that? Think of it…… Stripes and belts are like anniversaries. You have to wait a really long time to get the really good traditional gifts such as Platinum and Gold, but at that point, you are so revered for your knowledge, all seek your wisdom.
And it didn’t come by easy. Both are “trained” as to what the other likes, dislikes, sets them on edge and just plain pisses them off. So, like a dog eating a shoe and getting smacked on the nose, you stay away from what hurts!
Thanks for writing it Mike!
October 8, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Interesting thoughts….I agree with you 100%. I don’t agree that you have to “train” people necessarily (although perhaps I got lucky and have a fiance who was ‘trained’ previously?), but I do believe that two people have to adapt to one another’s different communication styles. If you’ve got the foundation built, and it’s worth it to learn how the other operates, then you’ve got the recipe for a great “LTR” in your words. And yes, paying attention to small things such as how they treat the waiter or the valet or even the old man crossing the street mean BIG things later on….and cheers to healthy happy relationships 🙂
October 8, 2008 at 6:03 pm
so unfortunately i’ll have to agree with this. what you see IS what you get. article is good. =D
October 8, 2008 at 6:23 pm
i like the author’s brutally honest take on the topic… how men aren’t “trainable”. people shouldn’t start relationships with people that they think have “potential” of being a good life partner, and trying to mold people into the person you want them to be just doesn’t work. if you do that, it may technically be a relationship, but really… it’s kind of like a project, very Pygmalion-like. anyway…just my opinion. boys… don’t let a girl change who you are, you’re not a pet that needs to be trained not to pee in the house. and also…How does a chick who talks about men like they are dogs get engaged in the first place?? ha.
October 8, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I think a good rule to live by in your life is …You are the company you keep.
It can be applied across the board…to lovers, friends, and acquaintances.
Mr. Mid-Twenties Professional has made a few valid points here.
Be aware of the people you spend your time with…really evaluate their behavior..not to be confused with being judgmental and self-righteous.
Have a list of things that you require of people who you allow in your life then constantly ask these questions of these people. Some guideline questions for example might be…Are they kind hearted? Are they respectful? Do they bring positive energy to their environment? Does knowing this person make me a better person? If at any point said people stop meeting the requirements let them know to be your friend, lover, wing man that you need them to change this behavior or you have go your separate ways, don’t make excuses or look the other way when you see the obvious red flags, you are only hurting yourself in the long run. This is where I believe that’s as far as the “training” should go. There is always room for improvement in everyone’s lives but I’m pretty sure once you have developed into an adult you are who you are…and unless through serious counseling or a major life change (i.e.: loss of family, rehab) you are who you will be for the rest of your life. Soooo the long winded point I am trying to make is….if you find someone…who doesn’t meet the requirements…don’t waste your time “training” them. Life is too short for you to be wasting your time molding people into who you want…especially when the inevitable happens…IT DOESN’T WORK!! Not to mention who wants a person who’s redeeming quality is that they conform to someone else’s thoughts of who they are or should be, because they are weak and lack a solid personality! People are who they are…find that someone who can answer yes to all your “questions”, then work hard to match everything they bring to the table.
October 8, 2008 at 6:43 pm
When you first meet someone…..you need to take note of who that person is the moment that you meet them. That is pretty much who they will be for the rest of their life. No one person can change anyone. And fo rthat matter it is not any one person place to ask someone to change who they are or how they opperate in their everday lives. It is against all codes of respect. Everyone need to respect everone for the they really are. If you have a problem with who you are with DONT try to change them. It will only stress you and your mate out….and other problems will arise from that stress/strain you have put on the relationship.
Furthermore….you should ALWAYS say whats on your mind. Dont ever hold anything in. Thats where a lot of girls go wronge….I did….and now I have learned that its not the correct way to live life. A man and a woman think very differently. A woman should not ever ASSUME her man should just KNOW something….and unfortunately many women think this way. Men cant read your minds, so SPEAK up ladies and let them know whats going on in that mind of yours….youlll see that it will lift so much stress and srain off your relationships. Keep the lines of communication open. If you cant communicate properly with one another, then other areas of your relationship will start to die off like the communication did. You can all do yourselves a favor and just speak up.
Youre right Mike….there is NO perfect person out there. Women need to accept the flaws in their men and either learn to love said flaws…or just simply do without them if the flaws cant be overlooked and accepted. This goes back to the DONT CHANGE SOMEONE topic. You just cant do it..and if you try….youre wrong..and eventually it will catch up to you.
Its all about communucation, trust and acceptance. A Man needs to accept his woman for all her crazy, emotional, sexy, and fun days….and a woman needs to do the same for the man.
October 8, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Trying to train your partner will only lead to disappointment. You take people as they are. That is the point of dating. You find the right person that fits into your life in every aspect. It’s like buying jeans, you have to try them on even if you have to go through a million pairs or spend hundrends of dollars. Once you find the right pair, you can wear them everyday. And they only get better with time. Just like the right fitting partner, your relationship should get better and better as time goes. You feel more comfortable and you let your guard down and before you know it you’re completely intertwined and nothing else matters. You find that person that will compliment and add to your life, not as someone who is a necessity to make your life better. The need to have someone in your life makes you dependent and you just end up being a “stage one clinger.” Its about mutual respect and genuine care for your partner as who they are. Because if you’re looking to train someone, you should get a pet, you’ll have better luck with them being obedient.
October 8, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Um….Mike this is hilarious and totally true. Boys are boys – you guys are usually a little rough around the edges and need some polishing becasue most of you are MAMMA’s BOYS who’s mom’s fail to see that their son’s ever do any wrong. THUS…enter the girlfriend. I have never so called “TRAINED” a boyfriend but I have done some polishing in my day and they are better guys for it and I am certain that the girlfriends they have now would thank me just as I would do to the exes of my future husband – they have, in fact, molded him into the person he is today – baggage or not, they played a huge role in shaping him and he is goign to be a better, stronger, wiser person for it. I am certain many of my past boyfriends have “trained” me by way of maybe suggesting I not continue on with a certain bothersome behavior or by using a certain word in the english language – I am thankful for their efforts and concern – they have aided in my maturity and in shaping or “TRAINING” me into the person I am today.
JMO
XOXO
Jean-Marie
October 11, 2008 at 12:38 pm
You have some good strong points. At first I wasn’t sure it was you writing because it doesn’t sound like other works I have read of yours. Although, I think I would use the word “guided”. You guide the person you are with to act in ways that please you. Men and women both do it. But, in use in an article, such as yours, “trained” is more appropriate as the attention getter. I real life, in some cases one might even use the word “whipped.” All-in-all, go job and I will be looking forward to reading your next. Oh and by the way, congratulations on “not being available.” Is there a new woman in your life? Or are you just not interested in looking right now?
October 29, 2008 at 11:29 am
I don’t believe in “training” people…friends or relationships of the romantic variety. You can “train” or teach a person how to be a better lover, cook, help mate, life mate, etc….but they have to want to do it.
March 27, 2009 at 10:35 am
My recommended training regimen for gfs/wives
Week 1
Daily arm curls of less than 10lb bells. This will help in lifting and chopping with cooking knives. Also for lifting up laundry baskets since it’s pretty rare that 1-2 weeks worth of clothes will exceed it.
Week 2
Screening of cooking shows that I pick out. Mostly things with steak, chicken, fish, bbq, meat, and others. This will help in molding a great breakfast/lunch/dinner.
Week 3
Technical training on geek stuff or sports stuff. This is a process where gf/wife will shadow you while you play video games or watch football/basketball/baseball/soccer/hockey.
Final Week
Test week. This should be the final culmination of all your training efforts. This is where you identify areas that still need some work. By this time you should also be able to tell whether it’s worth more time/commitment in training/investing your time.
And there you have it, works so well.
Master of training and analysis. Logical thinker.
Pew Pew Pew
March 27, 2009 at 10:39 am
Training??? You can’t really train someone…I am speaking from 12 years of trying to train my ex-husband to just be a better person and it is impossible…people are who they are and yes…there are those times when the relationship is all fresh and new and both parties are willing to make serious compromises in order to “Woo” the other person to fall for them and make them think that they are “the one”…whether it be fore simply sexual purposes or in order to possibly have a future relationship with that person. It’s just a matter of compatability…and attraction…not training. You have to get to know each other and if it will work it will…and if it won’t it won’t no matter how much you try and persuade someone to be something else..or try and make yourself be something other than the real person that you are. Just be who you are…let them be themselves and everything will either fall right into place or it will flop…and if it flops…don’t be that psycho person that can’t handle rejection and turns into a stalker…just step back say “thanks…it’s been real” and move along…easy as pie. Atleast you have made a friend out of it if nothing else. People who try and “train” someone…are just controlling and that is not ever a good thing in any relationship…it’s gotta be a 50/50 thing….so…having rambled on long enough…good luck to all the single people in the world…it sucks but it’s fun all at the same time…cause you just never know who you are gonna come across or what wild adventures you may stumble upon…
March 27, 2009 at 10:44 am
You sure aren’t lovebug. ❤