Fight Like an Animal!

For the DNC, everything is spiraling towards the apex that is Luis De La Fuente’s Barge Party in Lake Austin on June 28th. The barge holds 150 people and we’re planning on 50 cases of beer. If you do the math correctly, 50 cases x 30 beers / 150 people, then we are looking at an estimate of ten beers a person for a 3 hour cruise. Add to that jello shots, assorted liquor, and everything else under the sun and we are going to have an amazing good time. We’re finalizing plans this week so if you’re in, then put your money where your mouth is. That is $25 payable to Eric P or my brother asap.

Damon and I with Lilly and Sandra @ Bronx Bar

As far as a recap of this past weekend goes… well… I have to go WAY back to last Wednesday to get started. As Damon, Kris, and I ended up going to Pandora to get it started early after a night of training. Yeah, that’s right, I went to class that night and TRAINED! That in itself was cause enough for celebration. But sadly, other than running into Shaun, Preston, Chea, and a few others, Wednesday night ended up being largely run-of-the-mill.

Thursday was a little better. Had an awesome lunch with Christina, Lori, Ash, and Kris on Ashley’s first day at work. And after work, a few of the guys came over to hang out. I had actually planned on getting some rest in but a few of us ended up going to see the new Incredible Hulk movie at midnight instead. I guess it was a good movie but I can’t be certain because I fell alseep shortly after it started. I guess my biological clock was ticking and told me to go to bed? I’m not really sure how to explain this one.

Representing AnimalFW.Com

Birthday Boy & Mar.

Now the craziness begins. After work on Friday, I got no rest before Venessa and Karen arrived to begin their beautification process for the evening. While it is definitely a joy to watch Venessa try on different dresses for well over an hour, what I really wanted was some food to put in my bigass belly. So to that end, and after Sandra, Lilly,Chea, and a few others came over, we headed out to Ra for Chea’s pre-birthday party. Andrew took care of us DNC-style over there. We must have about $200 worth of sushi and almost as much sake and alcohol to boot. Not a bad value if you don’t consider the two towed cars. More on that later…

Venessa & Karen: Professional Lushes

Ray, Andrew, Chea, and I at Ra.

Grubbin’ @ Ra.

The rest of Friday night was a blur. After playing vehicular musical chairs, we ended up at Bond, where Chea got comped a table and apparently our girls did too. But not really… Venessa and Karen apparently tricked this poor schmuck into believing that Venessa was a movie star from the 40-Year Old Virgin, thereby coercing the guy into buying them a bottle of champagne. And thus I was proven wrong… Apparently, there is just as many dumb men in the world as there is women. Wow. Just wow… Man, if you somehow get to read this, stop it. You hear me? Stop it. The girls aren’t home with you because you’re loaded or even worse, not loaded but willing to spend money. Grow a pair, be funny, do anything! But for God’s sake, don’t be RETARDED and buy a bottle for girls that won’t remember your name in the morning. Geez man, I don’t even know you and I feel bad! Moving on!… the rest of Friday was spent over at Escobar and then back at the palace. Suzie, Sandra, and Lilly came with because both of their cars got towed. Damon drove them to the impound at about 4am. And so it ended just like it began. With Karen and Venessa drinking wine at the house and passing out. Karen spent the night on the couch. (someone ask her what we tricked her into believing she did in her sleep) And Venessa’s lazy ass didn’t leave my room until like noon, when her damn breakfast was ready. LOL. Lazy ass!

Trademarked Ninja Pic.

Suzie, Renee, and another chick at 4am. Location: Filipino Palace

So yeah.. I Cooked breakfast for everyone on Saturday morning. A group of us spent the afternoon watching movies and being lazy. It seemed like everyone came over too! Chad, Damon, RJ, a few Red Bull girls, etc. were all at the house. We even laid out the mats and got some rounds of rolling in impromptu style. I would have to say that this was the highlight of the crazy weekend. Sitting there with the boys, working on our grappling, and generally having a good unpretentious time. But in any case, we had to go back to the wilderness later that night… After all, somebody’s got to protect the women from the my-new-haircut crowd…

Saturday night, a whole army of us made it up to Zepplin for Chea’s birthday. I won’t try to mention everyone but we were everywhere from being illegally hanging outside an emergency exit door to the VIP area upstairs to dancing on poles to draining several bottles at the table. I don’t get it… if we always complain about the alcohol going so quickly, why don’t we just get bottles of Whiskey instead of Vodka?!?! Those go about half as slow and will get you twice as drunk. Anyways, fun time at Zepplin as usual with the DNC + the Hooters Pageant Winner Crew, Corey and B-Mar, etc. All followed by the drunken antics of a woman-child. (Marissa’s Interpretation of What Happened outside Zepplin below…)

Go Marissa!

Karma is a Bitch – Based on a True Story
by: Marissa Wu

“Oh geeze, ok… I was pretty drunk at that point so I don’t remember EVERYTHING, but I’ll tell it to you in storybook form so that way it sounds like I remember everything.”

It was a dark and foggy evening drenched in grey goose. The air was heavy with hints of hormonal aggression and animal instinct. On that evening, Marissa, Mike, Kris, Ray, and Damon were walking out of Zepplin after a jovial evening of debauchery to go to the cars so they could go to the Filipino Palace and continue the party. On their way, Damon aka “The Cereal Rapist” zeroed in on this girl who was all by herself. She was wearing a cheap black cocktail dress and white Walmart flip flops. Her desperate and frightened sobs could be heard as she was aimlessly wandering around an empty lot with no phone, no purse, and no money with her.

The Cereal Rapist shouted out and slurred, “Whatcha doin pretty lady?!”


Deviant and devilish thoughts raced through the drunken ninjas’ heads as these simple words poured out of her mouth…


The racing thoughts came to a screeching halt. She was only 18? The bitch looked like she was in her late 20s! Damon then decided he was going to go to XO to get his skittle dittled and Ray went with him to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble (and then told my wasted ass to drunk drive you and your brother home!!!!! OMG, I still can’t believe he told me todrive home even though he knew I was drunk! (Stupid Korean boyfriend, see if I take care of his ass anymore). Kris turned to Marissa and asked, “what should we do?” “I say we leave the bitch and let a crack head rape her so that way she learns her lesson,” Marissa replied without hesitation.

“I think we should take her to our place, let her spend the night on the couch, and take her home in the tomorrow morning if she can’t find her friends,” Mike answered with careful consideration.

“My name is Megan,” the girl cried, “I just turned 18 yesterday, got drunk, took out 2 mailboxes, and wrecked my car. I don’t have any money with me. I don’t have my phone with me. I don’t have anything!!! I also live in Atascocita!!!”

“I’m going to give you two options because we can’t stay here all night with you,” Kris offered, “One, we can take you to our place to spend the night and then take you home in the morning. Or two, we can call you a cab, and then your mom can pay for the cab when you ger home.”

“But you don’t get it,” she pleaded, “my mom is a psycho bitch. I’m a rich white girl who goes to balls and galas. I’m gonna be in so much trouble!!!” The three Asian tempers flared.

“Blah Blah Blah,” Kris replied, “I know tons of girls like you, trust me, your case is nothing special.”

After many failed attempts of calling Megan’s friends, a glimmer of hope arose when she cried, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY PHONE?!!?!?!? ARIEL LEFT ME!!! SHE LEFT ME ALL ALONE ON THIS STREET AND I WAS STANDING OUT HERE FOR 45 MINUTES WITH GUYS ASKING ME ‘How much?’ LIKE I WAS SOME SORT OF PROSTITUTE!!! THE BITCH LEFT ME! COME GET ME!” A few seconds of silence passed and Megan’s face twisted in horror and she took in what she was hearing. “You’re WHAT?! NO! YOU NEED TO COME GET ME NOW!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE STILL AT RICH’S?!?!?!”

Kris broke Megan’s desperate angry tirade and curtly offered, “Shut up for a second Megan, we’ll drop you off at Rich’s to meet your friends, tell them that.” Soon the weary trio dragged the 18 year old dead weight to the car all the while Marissa was slapping herself in her face to try to sober up. As Megan was getting in the car, Kris stopped her, angrily pointed his index finger at her head and said, “You. Are. FUCKING LUCKY!!!”

As Marissa drove down the streets of downtown with double vision and a foggy mind, Megan continued to keep flapping her mouth with grateful and thankful cheers that would fall upon deaf, angry, and annoyed ears. Then the Asian trio realized what had happened. Karma was at work. When the car came to a complete stop in front of Rich’s, Kris flung the rear door open, hastily pulled Megan out of the backseat, and told her to find her friends. The End.

Stupid bitch, I still think we should’ve left her out there to rot.

And on that note and a few more random pics from the last week… blog over.

Paula & Nadine on Nadine’s Birthday at Open City

DNC West @ Open City

Lori & Victoria @ Sherlock’s

Christina and Mike @ Happy Hour

Kris @ Hobbit Cafe

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