Houston Nightlife Review: Saez and Zouk

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Saez and Zouk, thanks for sneaking us through the kitchen after giving my friends shit for wearing ELITE shirts to your club. You didn’t have to go out of your way, really.

Based on my experience there last night, I’ve decided that Saez and Zouk is the equivalent of being stuck in an arranged marriage to a one-eyed prostitute with a venereal disease. You pitch yourselves as a dress-to-impress upscale type of club but you fail to deliver. I felt like I was walking through a real-life version of the DIRTY last night as I waded through a sea of thirty… err 15k millionaires with their long island iced teas and “i’m-awesome” grins. The signs of a bad time were evident – like several near fights, a lack of naturally good-looking women, and empty tables outside with nobody ordering bottle service. All on a Saturday night. Simply put, it was NOT a good time at all. I don’t recommend it to anyone. I’m sure you can find better things to do with your evening, like finding a date on eHarmony, buying some MD 20/20’s (I recommend the green bottle), and renting a copy of Mariah Carey’s movie, Glitter.

For the owners (I don’t know who you guys are) – very smart move on not getting a website developed for Saez. (I tried googling and came up with nothing.) With new established like Pearl and Blue Label opening up on Washington and an exodus of the cool peeps that frequented Saez for awhile, I’m sure you guys would have wasted the money. Not all is lost though. I’m sure you can sell or re-package/re-name the club when it bottoms out. Heck, you’re probably leasing anyway. Just take the money and run. Everyone else is doing it.

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6 Comments on “Houston Nightlife Review: Saez and Zouk”

  1. DG8ninja Says:

    I second this assesment 150%. While out last night I was having a fantastic time at Pearl Bar with all of my friends. Which can I say, quite honestly; Pearl bar has probably put half the money that the aft mentioned (because I dont want to give them the satisfaction of giving them the plablicity of mentioning their establishment ) has put into their trying to hard to be an LA, Hollywood, night club, and falling misrably short Dirty.com social hangout. It just goes to show that it is quality not quantity. I will never, ever, frequent this place again. I think that I would rather have a good swift kick in the junk. I came in flying high from the prior festivities of the evening, and left feeling like I had my manhood taken from me in a dark alley after a long night of drinking. It amazed me at how important they really thought they were. I am not bragging, but I have fought in front of 10’s of thousands of people and at a large point in my career have experienced some small degree of what being famous feels like, but never was I as famous as these people thought they were last night. To have to sneak the trash in through the back door. You people at this club should feel priviledged to have the DNC come in and grace your plastic world with our presence, and along with that to wear our Elite shirts in to your poo-poo platter of plastic and saline invested vampires. If any of you there had acheived even half the character of Eric Williams your club patrons my not feel the insatiable need to impress everyone that they meet with there fake +2’s and behind by two payment Bently’s. I think that I have made my point in this. It is really quite easy. Your establishment single handedly ruined a entire group of people’s fun last night. I dont know about the Servant Leader, but is the DG8ninja’s personal mission over the next couple of weeks to do whatever is within my personal power to put a dent in this place’s client base. As if they really need any more help. Congrats guy’s, you have reached a pentical point in the club business. You have given a place to come for those that want to fill the Dirty.com’s hall of fame with Deuce Bag’s of the year photography.

  2. Mrs. Rivas Says:

    Pearl bar was the shit! I highly recommend that place. They have everything for a chill fun night. Beer-pong, hula hoops, ping-pong, flip-cup, $2 Pearl beer and a dance floor inside. Oh and great music!

  3. GREEXICAN Says:

    I BEG TO DIFFER!!! Saez is a great place to go to! Everytime that me and my friends go out to saez we have a blast! The night that it gets good is on a friday night. I love men, but there are GORGEOUS women that are usuals at Saez. Everytime that I go, ALL sections are reserved with people getting at least two bottles. Each bottling running at 250 each. The promoters are such nice and handsome guys. i know all three personally, along with the owners. They all look under the age of 30 and are most likely making more money than you in one night. This club hosted the latin grammy pre party. They had it there for a reason. This is a high end upscale club. Ive seen people rejected at the door, for the way they were dressed. Zouk provides such good security that you dont have to worry about stupid immature kids and fights. Also, on random nights you bump into celebrities. AND THE LONG ISLANDS ARE DELICIOUS!!!!!!

  4. Ninja Says:

    First of all Greexican, thank you for your comment. Always nice to have opposing point of views. It’s what makes the world go around. I cannot fault you for your opinion based on the fact that you are personal friends with management. As is such, I’m sure you have a very good time every time you go. That’s a good thing.

    Now that I’ve respected your opinion, maybe you can respect mine as well. I would agree with your assessment of your friends’ club if the basis for comparison were Gotham City, circa 1998. Your comment about the Long Islands being so awesome gives a subtle hint about the crowd this place attracts. Maybe these upscale club-goers are the reason these nice and handsome guys make more than me in one night. Damn to me. I should have never gone to college and should have chosen a different career. Maybe then I’d be “ballin” too huh?

    In my humble opinion, the reality for the majority of Houston nightlifers (mid 20’s-30’s, urban professional) is that the club is substandard. Nothing more, nothing less. I have nothing against the owners, promoters, or anyone else personally but stand by this review of their establishment.

    • Lame Says:

      Pravada is a dump… “Seductive Thug” is an oxymoron… or maybe just a plain ol’ moron.


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