Fury’s Bachelor Party Weekend

In what can easily be described as the craziest weekend ever for the average person, my ninjas and I drove ourselves on a path of deliverance than not even the insanest of insane could match on their best day.


Upon leaving NHC that afternoon to move on to bigger and better things, Spencer and I decided the start our celebration early. And boy, did we celebrate! Considering it was also Bryan Guilliam’s Birthday, the 6pm start time only added to a night that took us to Molina’s, The Richmond Arms, Kona, and Roc Bar, where we all just went insane. Agent Junker took table/bottle service to the next level, bringing in close to ten bottles to the tune of $1k… not to mention the $100 or so that a few of us spent as well. All in all, we probably could fed a family of Ethiopians for life with the amount of money we spent there. I feel really bad about that but not as bad as what happened upon or departure…


Now of course the group of us (30+) fragmented and parted ways that I still cannot remember. Nobody left in the car that they came in. And everyone has a story to tell. If I miss yours, feel free to chime in with comments. A few were funny though… Like Holly getting pulled over while already pulled over and having the cop make her father come get her. Or Chris getting himself in big trouble. Lightweight’s threesome attempt was also a thing of note. And Samantha, trying to stop you from pulling my cock out of my button-fly jeans was like…. impossible. You are insane and need meat like an only child needs love. But wow, none of that compares to my late night story.


And of course I don’t remember the ride home. I remember being in Paula’s car with lots of yelling. And I also don’t remember punching the hole in the wall. What I do remember was, while my keys were in GNZ’s car (left at Bayou Place), I somehow still did the dumbest thing ever and found the spare keys. I took off in a rage to visit Kiet, who lives in Minnesota, and made it to the end of the block before I wrecked my poor car (one inch away from a tree). I managed to get back home on a three wheel motion, literally. My wheel was literally off the tire. Upon my return, what did I do, I apparently went for the gun drawer like I was trying to off myself. I mean wow, Thank God for good friends who put up with my drunken belligerence. But you wanna know the good thing?


The next day, I took the car, on a donut and all, to Little Mexico (Rosenburg) and got a new tire, rim, hubcap, AND got a balance and rotation that I needed anyway for how much…. $35. Yup, I just said that! I was so happy that I spent $35 instead of the $2,000 I estimated from the initial damage that I just wanted to drive EVERYWHERE! My bro and I dropped off Venessa in Pleak (is that almost to Corpus? goddamn!) and then headed all the way into Houston to pick up Kris’ car at Nate’s place at the Bel Air off Allen Parkway. (Nate, NICE fuckin’ place man!) After that, I went down to the Ballpark and picked up Spencer and April, who’s car was at left at our place. Gnz had gotten a ride back from Junker to pick up his car and was at the house. Okay, so now the core of DNC Westchase was back at 1522…. After an insane night like that, you probably wouldn’t go out for a year…. You may utter that Famous phrase… “I’m never drinking again”…. BUT….if you are a Drunken Ninja, do you stop?!?!


Muwahahahahah! HELL NO! After picking up Spence and April, I had JUST enough time to go to Kroger to pick up many cans of whipped cream and chocolate syrup on the way back home, where we hosted Derrick Fury’s Bachelor Party. Keep in mind that I hadn’t eaten all day either… But what the heck… we finished off a box of cigars and enough alcohol to kill a small elephant. The DNC had reunited! My Co-Founder of this thing, Hyper, was in and had the biggest scare of his life, thanks to me! I laid out 5 shot glasses of EVERCLEAR and ran into my room to find a lighter… When I came out, Hyper, who will all know is FAMOUS for being able to drink like your drunk uncle, says he polished off 3 of the shots thinking it was rum! I was like OH SHIT! Explained it to him… He was ALREADY on his 10th shot or so prior to the Everclear… We were seriously about to make a trip to the ER but amazingly, Eric P. took the everclear out and replaced them with vodka, making Hyper the luckiest man alive! Fury, GNZ, and the Suit were NOT so lucky, having had the first lap dances of their lives that DID NOT give them a stiffy!


The late night, as in early Sunday morning, was rung in with everyone tanked and half our soldiers had already fallen. But what do I and the ELITE of the DNC do? We head over to Sherlock’s where we meet these really cool women from Bolivia and some guy gets really jealous of Chad and had to leave. And in true Calimbas fashion, Kris pilots Spencer and GNZ to Pub Fiction where they game on the midtown crowd like Neal Strauss.


We didn’t even reunite until 4am but the night finished off with Spencer, my bro, GNZ, and me cracking up so hard while Derrick and his Fiancee (who had just had her Bachelorette party) looked very much in love on the couch.


Now it’s Sunday… my house, which looked like Hurricane Katrina just went through it, is SPARKLING CLEAN due to my early morning efforts. We have our Fantasy Football Draft in an hour and are ditching the Linkin Park Concert. Spencer even has free tickets waiting at the radio station but no. Were responsible and have our priorities! Entourage and Concords tonight baby! What do you punks want for dinner? This is NOT over yet.


The Untouchables.

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